(by Pablo Burgués)
Last week, my post (if you haven’t read it yet you should do it here right now or I’ll smash your face) finished with a disturbing and hairy question: Which 20th century personality owned this little pigeon’s chest?
A: Farrokh Bulsara
B: Angela Merkel
C: Freddie Mercury
D: A and C are correct
No, my friends, to your surprise I’ll tell you that the right option IS NOT B, but D. And no, the fact is not that Freddie Mercury donated his prodigious and superhuman big bosom to science after his death, and it was transplanted to a beardless human being called Farrokh Bulsara. The fact is that both men were indeed the same person. How does it sound to you? Let me tell you…
Farrokh Bulsara was born on the island of Zanzibar (Tanzania) on 5th September 1946 at the age of zero years old. Though according to gossip the creature was born with moustache and leggings there is no reliable graphic material to confirm this theory. What is more than confirmed is that his parents were Parsi Indian emigrants. The Parsi religion is as boring as any other religion, but, indeed, their funerals make The Walking Death match up to Peppa Pig
It seems that the Parsis are very socially aware with the environment, a sort of Greenpeace in the religious world, and thus they do not bury their dead people in the earth because that would pollute the Earth element. They don’t like to burn their dead ones either, because that would pollute the Sky element. And, of course, they don’t approve of throwing their deceased to the river because that would pollute the Water element. So, what the hell do these people to get rid of all those who kick the bucket? Very simple, they leave the bodies on the top of buildings called Towers of Silence so that the corpses of their beloved ones may rot under the sun and then may be devoured by vultures. I SWEAR THIS IS ALL TRUE!!! If you don’t believe me, I invite you to google “parsi towers of silence” and thus you would see some attractive and educational pictures that confirm my words.
Well, let’s go on… The young Farrokh Bulsara was always ahead of his time, to the point that in 1954, for his 8 years old birthday, he asked his parents the Fifa18 as a birthday present. His mother, thinking that he was teasing them, slapped upside his head and made all his teeth went to the front. Immediately afterwards, they sent him to a boarding school in Bombay. There, his classmates started to call him Freddie (“the beaver boy”, in Indian language). I SWEAR (almost) ALL THIS IS TRUE!!!
In 1964, the Bursara family moved to London, and in 1970 their son Freddie created the Queen band with other three longhaired guys. One of their first songs was My Fairy King, which contained a line that said: “Mother Mercury, look what they've done to me”. That sentence aroused Freddie Bursara to such an extent that he told everybody to call him Freddie Mercury (“Alfredito Mercurio, in Spanish) since then.
(to be continued…)
Translation: Dora Sales
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